A Guide to Online Dating in your 20s

People have been online dating for over 25 years now, which is basically the timespan of my entire life. And yet for some reason, it seems still like such an incredibly new territory to society. The way that most people meet partners nowadays is via dating apps such as Tinder, so why is it that it feels like such a shame to admit you met online? This isn’t just from personal experience; I know friends who refuse the opportunity to put themselves out there, purely because they wouldn’t want to admit they used an app to find a relationship. There are of course many pros and cons to online dating, and if you are someone who is stepping into this world for the first time, it can be helpful to know what to expect. I have been online dating on and off for about 5 years now and I would say I have compiled a range of experiences which gives me some level of knowledge on how things typically work in the online world.

Make an online dating profile (with a bio!)

Let’s start off with the basics; if you’re single and interested in meeting new people, make a dating profile. Having a profile on a platform of your choice (Tinder, Hinge, Bumble etc.) is only going to give you options. You don’t have to message anyone, let alone go on a date. It’s simply just opening a door for yourself. Now, a key tip when it comes to making a dating profile is to include a bio. This can be in any form you like; a quote from your favourite TV show, a fact about yourself or even an in-depth list of your interests and hobbies – each to their own! The bio can be the scariest and hardest part of making a dating profile purely because it is the one chance you have to show someone a glimpse of your personality before they swipe you away never to be seen again. Due to this, many people avoid the bio completely, with the logic that they would rather put nothing than something that could be perceived as awkward or cringey. But the downside to this is that when you do inevitably match with someone, the bio is one of the only good sources for conversation starters that don’t start and end with “Hi”. If I match with someone and want to make the first move, I’m looking for something either in their bio or an interesting photo to comment on. You don’t need to rush the bio, leave it blank at first if you need time to think. Check out what other people are putting in theirs but try to make it your own. Your goal is to stand out not blend in!

Know what you’re looking for and be honest with those who aren’t it.

This may sound like an obvious one, but people are on dating apps for a wide range of reasons and in order to match with the right kinds, you need to know what you’re looking for. You can be open to more than one opportunity of course; maybe your end goal is a long-term relationship, but you’re also interested in casual dates too. It’s hard to know what we actually want when it comes to dating. There might be some days when you’re surrounded by your mates and their partners who are acting a bit too lovey-dovey for your presence, but it leaves you subconsciously longing for someone to be that level of close with. There might be other days when you’ve come home from a long day at work and have a secret sigh of relief in knowing your time is completely your own and you don’t have anyone to share a bed with. These experiences can leave one feeling confused with mixed emotions and life seems to be moving too quickly to stop and take a moment to figure them out. The truth is, it’s a similar process to making friends in your 20s; you have to look at your day-to-day life, your commitments, availability and individual needs to understand what sort of person and dating style will work in your current reality. This can be the hardest part of online dating, because you might meet the person of your dreams, but if your realities don’t align there will be no chance of either person being happy, as hard as you may try to make it work.

It benefits both you and the other person to go into the world of online dating with an understanding of what you want from them, and what you can give in return. If you know that right now for you commitment is something few and far between, don’t waste someone’s time and lead them into a false sense of hope for a connection that can never develop. It’s easier said than done though so don’t beat yourself up about it when dating mishaps inevitably occur, emotions can lead us blind. One of the best things about dating is the lessons you learn from the mistakes and failures that arise; just remember, it’s good for the plot!

Choose your date style wisely!

If you’re new to online dating, this might not be something you are super aware of, but the type of date which you choose to go on can have an influence on the nature of the relationship you are about to form. If you are looking for a short-term, casual relationship, types of dates which are ideal for this connection include evening walks, dinner and/or drinks, Netflix and chill etc. These are all situations which can develop towards intimacy and occur at times convenient for the activities. If you are looking to form a serious connection with someone and want to take things slow, stepping away from dates in the evening and avoiding alcohol can help you to stay on track with this goal to spend genuine time getting to know a person. Date ideas can include going for coffee, lunch, afternoon walks, pottery and other crafty activities. Remember that going on a date with someone does not come with any expectation from you and if it’s not the right fit you don’t have to pursue the connection further.

Ghosting Guilt

It is rare that the first person you choose to go on a date with will be the "love of your life" and therefore you will shortly be presented with the situation of how to end things with someone who you no longer want to pursue. “Ghosting” is the act of the cutting all communication and contact with someone without an explanation or warning and ignoring any future communication attempts from that person. It’s a result which doesn’t end up benefitting either party; one is left feeling confused with a lack of answers on how they could do things differently the next time around, while the other drowns themselves in the guilt that ghosting inevitably brings. So why do we do it? Because it is scary to tell someone the reasons why you don’t want to see them anymore, and many fear the fact that they might hear the same in return. Online dating has made ghosting an easy out for our generation, but in the long term it does more harm than good. If you’re starting out on your online dating journey in your 20s, I would recommend trying to start off with the right intentions and avoid the behaviours of ghosting and blocking, unless it is for your own protection.

Hook-ups can be healthy

A word of warning for our online dating newbies – hooking up is very much a thing, and that’s okay! If you want to dip your toe in the pool of dating apps and see what sorts of fish are about, just expect a few to be ready to bite! Don’t be fooled by the dating definition, there are many people on these apps looking for hook-ups, and often when we look at why these are the types of connections that are being sought out, there is a deeper meaning behind the profile. Hooking up is a form of dating and connection that suits many people for a number of reasons; they don’t have time to commit to a partner at this point in time, they don’t want an emotional attachment, they’re looking for something short term and to fulfil sexual desires. However society often has a habit of attaching a negative stereotype to hook-up culture, encouraging feelings of passion and lust in the moment, but swiftly followed by shame, guilt and regret. The truth is, hook-ups can be healthy! You can go and have a one-night stand with someone and be mutually satisfied without any negative connotations. As long as you’re both protected, consented and honest about your wants and needs from each other, there is no reason why hooking up should be seen as a negative side of online dating.

Be yourself, everyone else is taken

It’s cheesy, yes I know, but if you’re going to try online dating, you might as well put your best foot forward and show yourself for everything you have to offer. The benefit of dating in the online world is that you can provide as much (or little) information to your potential suitor as you wish! If you had met in a bar (which let’s be honest rarely even happens nowadays), this person would know little to nothing about you. You both get the benefit of knowing intricate details about each other, showcasing your best attributes (as well as best photo ops) for the best chance at love. Just remember, fall in love with the person, not the idea of them and don’t shy away from things in fear they don’t work out. Every no is bringing you one step closer to a yes!