A Guide to Making Friends in your 20s

It’s seven o’clock on a Friday night and you’re sat in your pyjamas drinking a £3 bottle of wine whilst alternating between the swiping of Instagram and Snapchat Stories. A notification pops up on your phone and your heart pauses for a moment. “Is someone inviting me out tonight?” You click on it to see it’s from @cleangreenlauren who wants to know whether you’d like to join her team of amazing women in selling a weight loss juice programme. You almost laugh at yourself for being so naïve in thinking that you’d be crossing anyone’s mind tonight, but deep down it feels nice that even a spammer noticed you. You’re in your early 20s and you have no friends.

Okay well what do we define as “friends”, because there seem to be a range of levels. You’ve got the people you know at/from Uni – the ones that you sat in lectures with and those flatmates you had deep convos with occasionally. They make up a part of the users who’s stories you swipe through tonight, but they all seem to have friends of their own. Then you’ve got the work lot – you spend 20+ hours a week together, and although there’s a bit of an age gap (Lucy at 16 and Gary at 47), you always wish each other "Happy Birthday" on Facebook. And finally, there are the few remaining school and college people that you still follow online. You all live in different places now and maybe if you were back home a friendship would spark from resurfaced memories, but you’re both not teenagers anymore and you have different interests now. And that’s it. Those are the people who’s lives you glimpse through snippets online. It feels wrong to say that you have no friends when you know all these people, so what is a real friend and how can people find one?

Let me introduce to you what I like to call “The Friend Scale”.

Soulmate Friends

Whilst the term “soulmate” is typically used in a romantic sense, it is more common to experience a soulmate connection in a platonic form. A soulmate is the type of friend where you both just get each other. There’s that instant connection between you and you feel at peace in each other’s company. They feel like home in a person form. Quite often soulmates will have experienced a similar event or situation in their life, and this brings the friendship closer than you may have experienced with other people because you understand what each other has been through and process similar emotions together.

Twin Flame Friends

A Twin Flame friend is a similar degree of closeness to a soulmate friend but differs in that you see a part of yourself in them – like a mirrored version. They could be a future version of you – what you aspire to become, or they could be going through life in a way similar to you or that you have already experienced. They share your mindset and have interests and ideas that feel strongly like your own.

Catch-up Friends

These are friends who you may have previously spent regular time with at another point in your life, and now you meet up occasionally to catch up with each other’s lives. You built a strong connection with this person; you value the friendship and you both understand that the friendship style has shifted due to a number of reasons but that’s ok!

Social Friends

Social friends are people who you hang out with in social settings, often as part of a group. You do things as a collective, have a liking for them and enjoy their company, but you wouldn’t typically hang out alone. This is often due to the fact that you have limited things in common or just don’t connect that well on a one-to-one level.

Long-Distance Friends

Now these are friends who you may have known since childhood or school who now live nowhere near you. The level of connection you have can vary; you might tag each other in memes and giveaways or Facetime every week. Either way, the main point is that they are far away, you cannot see them very often and you are sad about it.

The first step in the guide of making friends in your 20s is to decide what type of friend you are looking for. To figure this out about yourself you need to look at your life and think about what type of person you want to bring into your circle. Do you want someone to spend every waking hour chatting and socialising with? Do you want someone to go for coffee with a few times a month? Do you want a group of mates to get drunk with on a Friday night? Do you want them all?

It's important to prioritise quality over quantity. You need to take into consideration everything that you have going on in your day-to-day life because committing to friendships, regardless of the form, is time consuming. Once you have a idea of what free time you have that you can give to other people, you can take the step in meeting them.

“How do I meet new people in my early 20s?” is a question which I see popping up on TikTok all the time. It’s even harder if you’re not at university, as there are limited opportunities where you’re interacting with new people regularly.

So here are my tips and ideas of places and ways you can meet new people in your early 20s:

Exercise Classes and Sports Clubs

Most gyms and leisure centres offer classes for members in a number of exercise options such as Yoga or Pilates. It’s always worth going along to see if there are any other people your age as you will have something in common. If they’re on their own as well, most likely they will appreciate a friendly face to chat with and feel included – just the same as you! You might also be surprised that others may approach you in a similar situation. It’s all about putting yourself in new opportunities where you are surrounded by potential connections. Similarly, you could join a sports club such as tennis, badminton, netball or football etc. where you can play with and against people of the same level as you.

Join Facebook Groups

This is the number one way that I have seen people form successful friendships, despite it being the most unexpected. There are so many of us in this friendless situation, so why not group together and reach out to one another? Groups I would recommend joining on Facebook where other 20-somethings are actively seeking friendships are: Gals who Graduate, Truly Twenties, The London Lonely Girls Club and any other groups you can find that are more local to your area. Pop a post into the chat and introduce yourself, your background and your interests. You will be surprised at how easy it is to get chatting with new people!

Make Contact

You know that one person that you see around or online regularly and think “We would be such good friends” but you haven’t been properly introduced or interacted recently. The truth is, you won’t know if you’d be good friends unless you try! If they’ve recently posted something you like on social media, pop them a DM and compliment them on something relevant. Let them know that you enjoy their content and make a connection between you both, such as stating you have a similar interest or hobby. This can spark a conversation which could then progress into a coffee date and so on. You have nothing to lose if it doesn’t work out, and most people admire someone with confidence to make the first move (even in a platonic sense!)

Sign up to a Class

If you’re not already at university, classes in creative areas such as photography, writing, pottery, art etc. are great ways to meet people you have common interests in.

Become a Regular

Start going to a place regularly, such as a café. Try to go at least two times a week and go at the same time. This is a great way to meet people who may also be regulars at a place, as well as strike up conversation with workers such as the baristas.

Music Events

You may be surprised at how many people go to music events by themselves. Often a person’s music taste can be particular, and even people with friends might find themselves without anyone to enjoy their favourite music with. Go alone, enjoy the music and look out for other solo music enthusiasts who are in the same position as you. You’ve already got a common interest to talk about, so what’s stopping you?

The key to making friends in your 20s is to recognise that you are not the only person who is alone on a Friday night. There are so many compatible people out there who would make a great friend for you, all you have to do is make the step to start looking.